Really what is the point of trying to rush this experience? I know part of it stems from the fact that I just don't want to worry about her anymore. I want to see her eyes open and feel her breathing and know that she has all 10 fingers and all 10 toes. But how much safer can she be than she is now. I have virtually no responsibility to her other than to stay alive and to, of course, make healthy choices. Once she is on the outside, I am ultimately responsible to meet her every need. I realize I am arguing with myself here, but sometimes its best to talk things out:) Part of me is so impatient to meet her, while the other part of me is so terrified of the task of keeping her alive once she's here!
The truth is this...Once on the path to parenthood, the worrying never ceases. You worry the entire 9 months she spends in your womb, and you worry even more the next 18 years and beyond. I simply like to take it all on at once and torture myself in the process. I am already worried about explaining her first period to her and I'm worried about getting her through her first heartbreak. And she's still in utero!!
My husband has challenged me to live day to day and to focus on everything we are blessed with. I am taking him up on that challenge starting now. Today, I actually took the time to enjoy feeling her kick and roll inside of me. And, probably for the first time this entire pregnancy, I felt "the glow". I've wasted so much time worrying and being negative that I have missed the beauty of this entire experience. Needless to say, I won't be upset if she decides to wait a few more days. I have a lot to catch up on:)
This was a great post, Linds. Even when she makes like a baby and heads out, you don't have to worry! God is ultimately her protector and provider. I'm not dismissing the fact that it is natural to worry, it is. But rest in the fact that God has her in His hands and can do far more than her parents or her favorite aunt (ME!) can do. I'm glad you are feeling that glow, finally! You did glow before, even if you didn't see it :)Keep counting your blessings, that is a beautiful thing! Work on the 1000 gifts that we talked about a while ago. Love ya.
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