Ten Tiny Babies

How rude of me to leave you in such suspense! I realize I skipped over the juicy details of labor and childbirth and the grisly reality of the first few days/weeks/months following. But I assure you its for the best. I'm certain if I told the story exactly as I remember it and left nothing out, nobody would ever want to procreate. Suffice it to say I sat on cushions for about 2 weeks after the birth and may have averaged about 2 hours a night of sleep for the first month. More than I remember the pain, however, I remember the feeling I had when (14 hours later) my beautiful, somewhat slimy baby girl was finally in my arms. No word in the English language can describe it. I felt like I was floating. We locked eyes and I remember saying, "I know you!"Of course she chose that moment to start screaming bloody murder, but I'm sure she was glad to see me too! She was so beautiful:) Pink and pudgy and not at all the alien-esque little figure I was expecting. Over eight pounds and a gangly 21 inches long, she was the embodiment of health. I guess family size bags of peanut butter cups may be contending for the next pregnancy super food title!
The next 24 hours were a blur. We were both poked and prodded. Nurses woke me around the clock to push on my belly and torture me in all manner of cruel ways. I'm proud to say I only had one meltdown the entire time! When it was finally time to be discharged I was both excited and scared. This mom stuff was super easy under the careful supervision of an experienced nursing staff. Once I left the safe haven of my post partum suite, I was on my own. Still, I was full of confidence as I carried her car seat (yes, they made me carry my baby in her car seat 20 hours after giving birth...don't get me started on that atrocity) anyway...where was I? Oh yes, I confidently carried her out into the bitter cold world, self-assured and ready to take on life with a newborn. Little did I know that that very night would be my undoing! After several failed attempts to coax her to sleep in her bassinet, I acquiesced to her snoozing on my belly. Of course, several times I could have sworn she stopped breathing. I had to aspirate her at least 20 times...or was it four? Same thing to a nervous new mom. I worried that every time she cried, she was hungry. So she spent the first 24 hours attached (quite painfully) to my extremely sore boobs. I would of course learn over time that not every cry need be quieted by a nipple jammed in her mouth. I thought for sure after that first night that I was not cut out for this. I was a terrible mom and my baby hated me.
Here we are, three months later, happy as can be! My baby is growing and thriving and I learn something new about her every day. We have such a special relationship. She will never look at anyone the way she looks at me:) I was the recipient of her first smile, her first coo, and most recently...her first laugh (heart MELTING). She loves when I talk in a British accent to her and she loves my silly duck face. Most recently she loves to grab at my face and try to stick her fist in my mouth. And while I anxiously await and look forward to each milestone, I desperately want to hold on to this age...her utter helplessness and need for me...her longing to be comforted by me and only me. She is my world...and I know I will only be her world for a short while longer. We just got into books:) Her current favorite is Ten Tiny Babies. Its big and brightly colored and I love to watch her eyes widen as she takes in the playful pictures. Her innocence and propensity to be awed by such small things is so inspiring. My world seemed so...heavy is a good word...yes, heavy before she entered it. I was going through the motions...existing... not so contentedly. I did not find joy in things, big or small. She makes me want to be better...for her, for my husband, for our family. To smile at sunshine and bright colors...to laugh at the feeling of my dog's wet nose on my face...to gasp in awe at the touch of her tiny hand. She has taught me so much in her short time here and has become my role model and my inspiration. My life, once grey and mundane, is now full of wonder and hope and I owe it all to my precious Ivey Grey.